11 weeks later, I'm finally getting around to (i.e. feeling motivated to) post in our blog again.  I guess I haven't had too much to say.  The standard question I get is, "How are you feeling?"  My answer, though, is pretty boring and not really worth blogging about :-p.  I haven't had any of the dreaded pregnancy symptoms...you know...the heartburn, stretch marks, nausea, etc.  I almost feel guilty, sometimes, admitting that.  And sometimes, my answer includes, "I'm starting to get uncomfortable," but I often wonder if I really am or if I'm just saying that so that I feel more like I "fit in" and am not upsetting people :-p.  

To be honest, I LOVE feeling him move.  I admit, though, that every once in a while, he gives my ribs a good jab or moves in a funny way that "hurts."  It isn't that painful, though.  It's really more startling than anything.  I think this morning may have been the first time something he did actually hurt.  The level of pain was very minimal, but it definitely made my mind shift more towards the epidural side of things :-p.  

While we're on that topic, I've been fighting back and forth between having a natural birth and the epidural option.  I've heard pros and cons of both...but really a lot more pros on the epidural end of things.  Adam and I are signed up for a Lamaze class next month (March), so maybe that will seal the deal one way or the other.  Our next door neighbor had a baby in December.  Her husband told me that she was going to go natural until she heard the lady next door who had made that decision.  The agony she seemed to be in convinced Shelvy otherwise.  I think I might just embrace my inner wuss and go for the drugs.

In other news, Adam and I have decided to follow in our friends Paul and Bethany's footsteps and try out "Elimination Communication" (or EC) with our son.  It's kind of a hard concept to explain...especially since most people are skeptical at first (I admit that I was, but I'm pretty sold on it, now).  Here's a website with a very brief explanation.  WhatisEC.com  It has a link to diaperfreebaby.org, too, which has more information.  We actually bought the book "Diaper Free Baby."  After both of us reading it, we're looking forward to seeing how it plays out with our little one.  Paul and Bethany's sons were both pooping on the potty before they were a year old, so we have hope personally knowing people it's worked for.  We're both looking forward to the possibility of less dirty diapers to deal with (especially Adam.)

A couple of my friends are throwing baby showers for us in the coming weeks.  I'm really excited to get things ready for Baby K. and honored that so many people want to celebrate him and help out with that.  It's also exciting that my best friend Kim has finally publicly announced her pregnancy.  It's been fun getting to relate to someone going through it at the same time (even though she's 18 weeks behind me).  Her being behind me though is also fun in the sense that I can now relate in the "been there" mindset instead of me just being naive and asking tons of questions :).  Regardless, I'm really excited for her.  I can't wait to find out if our son is going to acquire a default best friend or wife ;).

Since the last time I wrote, we had some friends come and help us get our nursery painted.  I can't wait to see it all pull together when we get the bedding and such.  I really like how the paint job turned out (see my photos on Facebook).  I'm really blessed to have such good people surrounding me here that would take time out of their lives to paint...something I doubt any of them were that terribly excited about :).  Thanks Alex, Jamie, Becky, and Michelle!  

Well, I think that's enough to tide you over for now.  I've been fighting a lot of emotions (I'm blaming them on the hormones)...some of which I've shared with some people...and some of which nobody and/or just Adam know about.  Right now, I'm feeling pretty excited to meet our son and fighting with patience and knowing that he needs a couple more months before he should come out.  It'll be interesting to see how much bigger and more uncomfortable I get.  

Anyway, as usual, thanks for all your support and encouragement.  It's easy to feel isolated when we live so far away from family, but I'm so grateful for the CA family we've acquired along the way, and all the love and support from friends and family both near and far.  I'm excited to share this adventure with all of you.

By now, several of you have taken the challenge and stumbled upon our subtle announcement here.  Now at 21 weeks, we have our life changing information that makes things all the more real.

Monday, Adam and I went to the doctor for a routine checkup, but hoped that it would end up being more (i.e. my 20 week ultrasound that I had argued with the lady on the phone about and ended up crying and hanging up with frustration).  Adam took the morning off anyway, though, because both of us knew it could be stressful, so he came as moral support.  The first thing that happened was me getting called up to the reception desk for them to try and tell me my appointment wasn't that day.  Good thing I brought my appointment card with me that THEY wrote out to prove them wrong.  They were like, "Well, I guess we have to fit her in."  You'd better believe you do!!!  So of course, if it wasn't already, my blood pressure started soaring!  

Then they took by blood pressure and it was 140 something over 90 something.  After she exclaimed, "WOAH!" I started to cry.  She asked if I needed a minute before she took it again.  I was pretty sure that wouldn't help, so we just did it again.  It went down...but only to 135 something.  At that point, I was grateful that I had taken my BP at home and brought a picture with me to prove that it was the office that stressed me out and not some condition.  After waiting a while longer for a room to open up, they had a new nurse training come in and try to find the heartbeat.  To be perfectly honest, I wanted them to not be able to because I knew that the baby was okay.  I had felt it moving around not too long before that, and I wanted an ultrasound.  One of the more experienced nurses, though, came in and found it pretty quickly.

Then Dr. Warren came in.  She looked at my chart, measured me, etc.  Then she said that everything looked good...except my blood pressure.  That's when I went on my verge of tears rant about how frustrating her staff was, how rude the lady on the phone had been, and all the confrontations I'd had there that made me dread my appointments at their office.  She was very empathetic, apologetic, and told me we'd get my ultrasound scheduled this week.  It actually ended up being the next day.  That afternoon, I kind of freaked out at the idea that I'd know what the baby was the next day and second guessed our decision we had made a long time ago to find out.  Pretty sure my mom wasn't too thrilled with that :-p.

So we went in on Tuesday for the ultrasound.  It was VERY anti-climatic.  First, Adam and I had to sit in a waiting room with just one other lady who was watching an informational DVD about her upcoming hysterectomy.  Awkward.  Then we were called in for our very short and not too compassionate ultrasound.  We were asked what we're having.  I told the lady I didn't know...I was hoping she'd tell us.  Then, moments later, she just said, "It's a boy."  And then tried to get a good picture.  No more than 10 minutes passed before she sent us on our way....without good pictures, and without the DVD we had been promised by the movie I once had to sit in that empty waiting room and watch.  She told us we had a very UNcooperative son...which Adam says I make too much out of because she was just joking...but I was kind of annoyed by.  Oh well...chalk it up to pregnancy hormones?

So then I decided it would be more fun to tell people one by one as it came up about the gender.  Well, that got old faster than I thought it would.  It was nice to tell certain people before the general population knew, though.  The excited ones made it seem more fun and helped me get more excited myself.  However, being that I thought it was a girl (and so did Adam), there was also a good sect of people prepared to rejoice over the "It's a girl" statement, and though they tried to have the same amount of excitement about a boy, telling people individually wasn't as fun, anymore.  (If this applies to you, this is not meant as a guilt trip...just sharing my feelings.  The boy thing will grow on you when you see how amazing the combination of Adam and my charm and good looks turns out :)).  

So that's where we're at now...I'm super bummed that the ultrasound wasn't longer, more fun, or more compassionate like other people's experiences seem to have been.  I wanted a DVD pretty badly, though our "uncooperative son" didn't make for much of a good session, so maybe it's for the best.  I didn't really mind either way on the gender, though I'm a people pleaser by nature, so I wish everyone was through the roof excited, but they'll get there.  I'm glad it's a little more real, though...and that we can call him a he.  Adam and I do have a name, to answer that question, but we're not sharing it with anyone (Seriously...not even my mom.  You can ask her, if you don't believe me...I'm sure it's driving her nuts :)).  You'll just have to wait until April.  Other than that, we can now start registering.  We probably won't need (and thus won't register) for many clothes since we have at least a couple friends anxiously awaiting handing down their boy clothes.  If you feel compelled to buy them, I won't stop you, but we're only going to register for things we know we will need.  

So...other than that, I'm grateful for those of you that read this.  I'm grateful for everyone, actually, but it's nice to know this journal isn't in vain.  I'm hoping to keep it updated more often (especially with our son on the way) so that people keep up on it without me asking them to.  Regardless, it has been nice to record and share my feelings and to have you along for the ride.  Thanks for everything.

20 weeks today!  We've made it to the halfway point and are well on our way to April.  This all still seems a little surreal to me.  There have been days that I'm sure that I've felt the baby, but it just felt like someone gently flicking me from the inside.  I appreciate those days.  They give me a sense of comfort that this is all real and that the baby is okay.  Then there's been days when I suspect that I may have felt something, but I'm not sure if it was the baby or indigestion.  Those days happen more often than the others.  In fact, I've been on a streak of those for a few days now.  Those are the days that I have to remember to lean on my faith and trust that God is taking care of things.  I'm looking forward, though, to more constantly feeling the baby move around, and knowing more definitely that that's what it is.  I think this whole thing will really start setting in, then.

Those of you on Facebook know that I had a bit of a rant about my doctors' office and the staff that works there.  My next appointment is scheduled for Monday morning.  Adam is coming with me, mostly because I'm so frustrated and stressed out with them, but partially because we are both hoping that, by some stroke of luck, they might decide to do an ultrasound, after all.  At the very least, I'd like to have the famed "20-week ultrasound" sometime before we see family for Christmas (at which point I'll already by 23 weeks.).  It's hard enough with all these pregnancy hormones to keep my cool when people ask what I'm having or when I'll find out, but I know that the family will all want to know when they see us, too.

Other than that, I'm still met with mixed emotions.  Some days, I'm very excited to meet our little offspring.  If you know me, you know that I love kids and have always done something that was related to children in some respect.  I don't doubt that I'll do fine.  However, there are other days when I have the house to myself, no where to go, and the only noises to worry about are the crazy winds and wondering if our patio furniture (of which we only actually have a table and swing, both acquired from friends that just couldn't fit them in the truck when they moved) are going to make it.  Those are the days that I get nervous that I'll never have this again.  I like cuddling with my husband on the couch (partially because we're really cheap and our house is FREEZING at night :)).  I like being able to go places on a moment's notice and not having to worry about getting home at a specific time.  I know they say that you're pregnant for nine months to get used to the idea.  I'm not sure that nine months is going to cut it :-p.  

Don't get me wrong.  Adam and I both wanted this baby.  It wasn't a surprise, really.  At the time, it seemed like it was taking forever for this pregnancy to happen, but now that there's no turning back, I just get a little anxious.  Adam's doing great.  He keeps telling me how fun it's going to be to have a little baby to play with and hold.  I don't know if he's nervous and just being strong for me or if he's really as cool and calm as he's letting on.  Regardless, it's nice to have his reassurance.  

Anyway, size wise, I'm really starting to grow, now.  I actually look pregnant, which is kind of fun since now anybody would know that and I don't have to question whether or not people think I'm just gaining weight, anymore :-p.  The lady at Gap asked me if this was my first without confirming that I was, in fact, pregnant (though I was carrying my TheBump.com gift bag from The Price Is Right and buying baby clothes).  The UPS guy probably put two and two together after delivering a crib to our house and seeing me yesterday, too.  However, I do admit that it is a little more fun (and real) when I'm showing more.  I'm bracing myself for unsolicited belly rubbing.  I don't mind when people I know do it, but it'll probably creep me out if strangers go in for a feel.  

So that's that, I guess.   Those are my baby related thoughts and emotions in a nutshell.  I haven't had any of the dreaded symptoms most people warn about (nausea, stretch marks, etc.).  I went through the first trimester SUPER tired, but that's gone (for now) and I'm on to getting hungrier more often.  That, however, is a symptom I don't at all mind :).  Other than that, it's been pretty smooth sailing.  Thanks again for all your prayers, support, excitement, and encouragement.  It has really been a huge help and an even bigger blessing!

So, we're 16 weeks and two days into this pregnancy thing.  You'd think that, by now, I'd be used to the whole idea and excitement would be overtaking fear and anxiety.  I guess that was the case for about a week after seeing the baby on the ultrasound, but then the paranoia kicked back in.  A Facebook friend recently lost her baby, and though there was slight paranoia before that, I couldn't help but project that onto myself, as well.  Even with the reassurance of my husband and friends that things are "probably fine," probably just doesn't seem like enough for me.  However, I have an appointment on Tuesday, and while I've braced myself for whatever news I get...hearing the heartbeat would be the relief I need (at least for a while).  

People keep asking me how I'm feeling.  The truth is, just nervous.  I have been far less tired than in the first trimester.  I have never had any problem with appetite or nausea, though I am hungrier more often, now.  (I don't mind this, though...I love eating :)).  I haven't felt the baby kick...but can't wait to have that added reassurance that things are okay.  I am showing, and I feel huge, but I've been told that I'm not that big.  Some people said that I don't even really look pregnant...which you'd think I'd like to hear, but I'm definitely not my not pregnant size...so I wish I looked pregnant enough to "look pregnant."  None of my regular clothes fit, and my belly is hard, so at least I can reassure myself that I am, in fact, pregnant and not just gaining weight in vain.  I know...I sound irrational, but let's blame that on the hormones (I've done a lot of blaming of them, lately.)

The other question we keep getting is whether or not we'll find out if it's a boy or girl.  Though we've heard numerous opinions in favor of finding out or waiting, none of them have been compelling enough to sway us away from our ultimate decision to find out.  We both agree that we think it will help us mentally prepare for what lies ahead to know.  It'll also be nice to call the baby "she" or "he" and not "it."  In addition, while we plan to buy/register/etc. for mostly gender neutral things, there's only so much yellow, green, and white that one baby can have in it's wardrobe...and if they're anything like me (and won't have hair until they turn three years old), we'll need some pink or blue in the mix to ward off controversy.  While we won't call the baby by its name until it's born (and no...we won't tell you the names we have in mind), it would still be more beneficial, in our minds, to know.  The surprise factor isn't enough for us to wait it out.  We're both planners, in our own respects, so that side of us will win, this time.  As for when we'll find out...probably at next month's appointment in December, but we'll let you know when we know and are ready :).

Other than all that, there's days I look at the house with utter lack of motivation and wonder how I'll get anything done or keep things at all in order when I can't even manage to do that some days without any kids involved.  I'm sure that whole maternal instinct thing will kick in and it won't be any problem, right ;)? 

Anyway...as we move closer to the due date (April 20th officially...at least for now), I am getting a little more excited.  I'm sure that, once I have more reassurance that things are going alright and that the baby is healthy and okay, there will be less anxiousness and more room for excitement to build.  Adam's doing well with all of it.  He has his usual, "We can't change it, and I think it'll be fun," positive attitude...which is good, 'cause we all know that I do enough worrying for both of us. 

So to wrap up, pray for us.  Pray for the well-being of the baby and that things continue to be okay.  Pray that my doctor's appointment is, as they said, "just a routine checkup" and that I have some sense of peace and reassurance when I leave.  Pray that we can do everything in our power to prepare for the baby, girl or boy, and that we are relaxed and the best parents we can be...both now and after they arrive.  

Thanks for going on this journey with us.  I know it's hard for some of you.  I was at that point, too...watching everyone else go through something that I wanted so badly to experience.  I appreciate your love and support, though.  I also appreciate those that are over the moon excited for us.  Your excitement often rubs off on me and helps me through the anxiousness. Keep it coming :).  Like I've said in the past, our baby is very lucky to be able to inherit all of you and I can't wait for all of us to meet him/her/them/it :).  Peace out.

So, I'm sure any hope of maintaining readership on this blog is lost by my neglect to post consistently, but I figured we needed a little GOOD news after the last entry.

First of all, my cousin is doing fine.  He's recovering well any hasn't had any further setbacks.  On a similar note, my uncle recently had brain surgery, as well, and it at home recovering from that, but doing well, too.

And on the happiest note (which I can now officially say since some of the nerves have melted now that I've actually gotten to see our child), as I'm sure all of you know by now, Adam and I are expecting our first child in April.  The official due date is April 20th (as I've been saying, but have now had confirmed by the ultrasound and the doctor).  Also, much to the relief of most of the Kuesters (including us, actually), it is only ONE baby :).  We have not found out the gender, though we do plan to.  It was too early to tell, and even if it wasn't, Baby Kuester didn't want to uncross its legs...or do much cooperating with the doctor who was diligently trying to get measurements.  I think we may already have a stubborn one on our hands.  In any case, I've included the picture here.  It's not a great quality considering how clearly we saw it on the screen.  You could see the little hands and feet, the legs crossed, even the eyes and facial features.  This is a good enough reminder for me, for now...and it helps me to look at it when I get a little nervous or apprehensive...as sappy as that sounds...to be calm and smile.  Anyway, now that we don't have any secrets, I will, once again, attempt to do a better job of keeping this updated.  I figure that I better try to make it a habit before little Kuester comes along.  Thanks for praying for us and for all your support.  You guys mean a lot!

Where my heart and head have been...

This is a picture of a person who's been on my mind a lot this past week. As of last Friday, he's one of the luckiest people I know, though the picture might suggest otherwise. Every year, my cousin Jesse goes to Madeline Island with some friends. This year's activities included taking some mopeds for a spin. If you'd describe him as looking like he got in a fight with a car....and the car won...you'd be right. While enjoying a ride and minding his own business, Jesse got in a pretty bad collision.

While I didn't learn about any of this until the next day, the prognosis on Saturday didn't seem that great. Having had a friend in the ICU for a far too similar situation (and the sad reality of that friend never leaving ICU) put my brain into overdrive, so I did the only productive thing that I could think to do....start soliciting prayers for Jesse. Unless you were at my wedding, and you were one of the more outgoing people there, you have probably never met Jesse, but there were and are countless people praying for him...thank you.

A couple days ago, I got to chat with Jesse for a while on Facebook. As impersonal as Facebook chat (or any online messenger) can be, it was the first time that I've been literally overwhelmed with emotion just to be "talking" to someone. My husband asked me, when I told him that I cried, why. I said...I'm just so happy that Jesse is alive. After losing someone who, while I considered him a good friend, wasn't nearly as much a part of my life as Jesse, this one hit even more close to home. Just the fact that he was home, and awake, and on Facebook...all those things are a HUGE blessing. I was trying to, no pun intended, put all the pieces together, and all I can credit for what seems like a miraculous outcome is the grace of God and the prayers of all of you.

Jesse is having surgery on monday. Having one of my good friends from college going through far too similar of an operation about five years ago, but also knowing how great God was to her through all of that, I have faith that God will do the same for him. Because I'm not so good at praying sometimes, period, and knowing that Jesse could definitely use more prayer than I am able to offer up, I'm again asking for your prayers. Pray for him, that he would heal quickly. Pray for his doctors, that their hands may be guided, that they get plenty of sleep Sunday night, and that they are able to put him back together as flawlessly as possible. Pray for Jesse's parents, as he's their only child, and all this hospital stuff is scary...especially when this is one of their only experiences with it (and he's only about a year and a half younger than me).

We have all learned a lot about love through this experience. A lot. Thank you so much for all your love, support, friendship, and most of all, prayer. You are all great.

-Erin

Making the Most of Hollywood

My friend Fia said to me, the other day, "You certainly are taking advantage of living there, aren't you?" By there, she meant close to LA. By taking advantage of, she was referring to my adventures in TV show audiences. Thus far, I've made it to "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno", "Hell's Kitchen", and most recently "America's Got Talent."

Ever since some friends of mine from our church back home were chosen for "Extreme Makeover:Home Edition" (Not more than a couple weeks after we had moved away, I might add. Talk about making someone homesick), I've been intrigued by how shows are produced. Hearing all the background details, seeing pictures and tweets, and learning about what goes into making a show like EMHE made me fascinated about what Hollywood calls "The magic of television". (I call it "fake," but I guess it is magic that so many people buy into it :-p.

My grandparents will be the first to tell you that it's not just the cast and crew of a show that put in a big commitment. More times than not, being in the audience can seem like a big job in itself. When my mom and I went to Jay Leno (because that seemed more interesting...and cheaper...than the $9 "studio tour"), we waited in a line in a holding area for an hour. Then they moved us like cattle to another holding area (at least this one had benches) for another hour. Afterwards, you get to go to your seat in the studio, but there was still an hour before the show began. The show itself lasted about an hour. Then they filmed a few promo pieces and we were released shortly after. This doesn't at all include the one to two hours it takes each way to get to the tapings, either. For some of them, you also usually would arrive even earlier to ensure you get a seat, as they issue more tickets than they have spots available. So, in total, the experience can take any where from 6-12 hours, I suppose, depending on what show or event you're going to.

Thus far, though, I've found it to be worthwhile. I wouldn't go weekly, or anything, but the shows that I've been to, it's been very interesting to see how they're put together and the "secrets" they use to make them the way you see them on television. In an effort not to spoil anything, I'll only give you details on that if you ask :). However, one secret I will tell you ('cause it's not really a secret) is that, if you want to be on TV, you need to be a standard Hollywood beauty. If you are ever in an audience, it won't take you long to figure out how they decide who sits where. On Jay Leno, my mom and I were shoved all the way to the right. Granted, we were in the front row, and we were only feet away from the band (Bright Eyes, that night), but we never made it on camera. At Hell's Kitchen, we were 10th and 11th in line, and yet, we were put up in the balcony. (That episode won't air until next month, so I'll let you know if we ever made it on screen once it does.)

Yesterday, I went with my friend Carol to America's Got Talent. Because she's technically handicapped, she got us a parking spot in the studio lot (AWESOME since the last time we had to pay for parking!) and to the front of the line. This is the first show that seated first come first served (though they did have the pretty people section behind the judges that they pulled people from line for), so we got front row seats. I DID make it on camera, though you'd never know it was me unless I told you :). But for the sake of sharing that with my adoring fans, here's some screen shots from the show:

This first one is of the back of my head watching Avril Lavigne sign. Good thing my hair looked alright :). I'm the one all the way to the right.
As you can see on this one, I'm one of the very few (the other ones aren't pictured) that actually stood up and rocked out to Avril. I may look dumb, but what fun is it to sit down when you're at a rock show?
That's me at the top left, clapping away...probably also looking at the teleprompter, but we'll pretend I was listening to the j

This last one is so that you can get a perspective of where I was among the audience, should you want to go back and look for me in the show. That's me under the red me :). If you missed the show or just want to watch it again knowing that your good friend Erin was on it, here's a link:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/258342/americas-got-talent-week-7-night-2

So, that's about it, for now. We have our friends Trevor and Heather Little coming in with their daughter Audrey for a few days starting tomorrow, so I have plenty to do to get ready for guests. I just wanted to put a little something out in the "blogosphere" as I've heard it coined since it had been a while. Happy Birthday to my mom, Deb! Peace.