As most of you are aware, by now, I'm apparently due in about 4 or 5 days according to the doctor.  They apparently decided this in December, but I just found out last week.  Initially, as anyone I talked to is aware, I was (as Adam put it) freaking out.  I don't feel like this was all that unjustified since our house was kind of a mess and Adam was unavailable for me to contact at work for 5-6 hours at a time all week.  This combined with me thinking he'd be late for the April 20th due date, but realizing they expected him to come much sooner just sent me into a minor panic :-p.  

Once Friday rolled around, though, and I got the call from Adam that he was on his way home, my mind was put a little more at ease.  Adam started a new project at work, this week, and should be pretty accessible from now until Baby Kuester comes.  I have only 1 or 2 art lessons left (if I don't go into labor before Thursday) and have canceled the rest until a couple months after the baby arrives.  Adam and I both got a lot of work done around the house on Saturday, so if something happens, we can come home to a clean house instead of feeling more stressed.  So, things seem to be falling more into place.

My mom, however, booked her flight before we found out that the due date had been changed. She planned to be in town a few days before said due date...so she booked her flight to arrive next Monday (a week from today).  Because the odds of him being late, and the cost of changing tickets is high (not like the tickets themselves aren't enough as it is), she's still planning on coming next week.  I think she's kind of on pins and needles, though, hoping that he holds out until after her arrival.  At this point, I'd be okay with him coming whenever, because I don't like waiting for things...especially when there is no definite end point :-p.  Regardless, I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, so we'll see what, if anything, new they have to say then.

Other than that, people have started to pretty consistently ask when the baby is coming.  To that answer, all I can give is a wholehearted "I don't know."  What really bugs them, though, is the follow up question of "Well, when is your due date?" which I also respond with "I don't know." If they stick around long enough for an explanation, I give them what I know about when and why it was changed (apparently, both me and the baby measure a week ahead of schedule), and tell them a brief background of how confusing this whole pregnancy experience has been as far as numbers, dates, etc. go.

In any case, I'm pretty sure that all that them changing the due date did was to push up the potential induction date.  If anything, I'll probably get induced pretty close to, if not on, my initial due date.  So, I guess that it's just effectively making the day we get to meet our son that much sooner.  Adam's feeling is that he'll come sometime next week...which would be "most convenient" for him and my mom since he just started a new gig and my mom would be here.  I really have no idea and am trying my hardest not to care :-p.  

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to chip away at anything left I can do around the house before he comes (and if you're a homeowner, you know that is endless) without expending all my energy.  Perhaps this is as close to nesting as I'm going to get :-p.  

So...Adam and I will keep you posted when something significant happens.  Fair warning, though: I've heard wifi at the hospital sucks, so we'll do our best.  Facebook will probably be your best bet, but I'll post on here someday once I feel up to it and have time.

Thanks for all your support and prayers.  Keep them coming.  ___________ will be here soon!

I'm 35 weeks, tomorrow...which I checked and double checked before I typed that since I have told people incorrect dates at least three times in the past week.  I keep having crazy dreams, and am very anxious in real life to meet our little guy.  I had a baby shower last weekend that some friends from church threw for me.  Kim is throwing another one this weekend for my non-church friends.  It's so fun to get stuff for our baby and feel more and more prepared for his arrival.  I've washed all the clothes I got from our showers and hung them up.  I put together one of our strollers yesterday.  When I have the motivation and energy (as short as the spurts of it may be), I've tried to make ever so small dents in cleaning, dusting, and organizing things to get ready.  

Last night, Adam and I had class two of four of our birthing class.  There is nothing about that class that relaxes me or makes me sure of what our decisions would be.  One thing is clear, though...the doula that teaches it definitely has an agenda.  I guess it works, since at least one of the other couples hired her, last night.  If I were going to hire a doula (which I'm not) I definitely wouldn't choose her.  While she has some good information, it seems like there has to be more calming and comforting ways to present it.  I almost cried when she told us about how they screw the internal heart monitor into your babies scalp if they can't find his heartbeat with the external one...sigh.  I am very anxious, though, to get the labor and delivery part out of the way and get to enjoy our baby on the outside.  

So far, things pregnancy-wise have still be fairly easy for me.  The heat got to me again yesterday when we were walking.  This is the first time it's been a problem for me while pregnant since my mom and I went to Conan.  I didn't bring my water with, this time, so that may have made a difference.  Regardless, I'm very grateful that I haven't been pregnant during the summer.  If that ever happens, I guess I'm going to be spending a lot of time indoors.

Not much else is new.  I have had a pretty easy pregnancy so far.  People keep telling me it will probably get more uncomfortable in this last month or so.  I do feel him more, and on a few instances, he hasn't been so pleased with the positions I chose to sit in, but all in all, I'm feeling good, still.  I have been getting tired more easily, again, but I guess it's better to ease into that than get hit with it all at once, when he's here :).

All in all, I'm getting really excited to be a mom and can't wait for our son to arrive.  I'm looking forward to seeing what/who he looks like and getting to know his personality.  I can't wait for you all to meet him :).

I'm officially 33 weeks along now.  I starting going back through all my pregnancy related Facebook posts today and writing them all down in one place so I can do something with them eventually.  It's interesting, anyway, reading all the crazy dreams and emotions I've been through.  I only made it through December, but that's a good start (especially considering I've been meaning to do it for a while, now.).

Today's struggles are motivation related, I guess.  I'm feeling a little lonely, today...which happens when I feel like I need to cut myself off a bit to spare others from getting sick and keep myself from overdoing it.  I feel better oay than I have for the past several, but still haven't quite kicked this bug.  At least this time around, the doctor told me I could take Benadryl...though I haven't yet, today, 'cause I'm feeling drowsy enough without the extra help.  

We celebrated Adam's 26th birthday, yesterday.  He made dinner (his request...and a hard one to argue with).  We had burgers from scratch on homemade buns, and waffle fry nachos.  We also had cake and ice cream for dessert and then just relaxed and watched TV.  He says it was a good birthday and it was nice just to chill out.  I hope that he really enjoyed it.  It's hard to muster up much celebration when you are not only pregnant, but sick, too.

Anyway, today I'm feeling in limbo.  I feel like I should be doing something, but don't know where to start.  I don't know how to get ready for the baby...but feel like I should be.  I also am feeling motivated mentally to do something in order to kick the restlessness, but my body isn't agreeing with me.  It's a conundrum when you feel lazy because you're not doing much but doing anything will make you feel more worn out.  I also wouldn't mind some company, but like I said, I don't want to get anyone else sick...and I don't really feel like going anywhere.  It's hard to have people over when you don't feel up to entertaining.

Well...I just thought I'd flesh my thoughts out.  I guess that's all I've got for now.  Back to chipping away at the to do list (which doesn't actually exist for fear that it would never end :-P).

Happy Friday.

11 weeks later, I'm finally getting around to (i.e. feeling motivated to) post in our blog again.  I guess I haven't had too much to say.  The standard question I get is, "How are you feeling?"  My answer, though, is pretty boring and not really worth blogging about :-p.  I haven't had any of the dreaded pregnancy symptoms...you know...the heartburn, stretch marks, nausea, etc.  I almost feel guilty, sometimes, admitting that.  And sometimes, my answer includes, "I'm starting to get uncomfortable," but I often wonder if I really am or if I'm just saying that so that I feel more like I "fit in" and am not upsetting people :-p.  

To be honest, I LOVE feeling him move.  I admit, though, that every once in a while, he gives my ribs a good jab or moves in a funny way that "hurts."  It isn't that painful, though.  It's really more startling than anything.  I think this morning may have been the first time something he did actually hurt.  The level of pain was very minimal, but it definitely made my mind shift more towards the epidural side of things :-p.  

While we're on that topic, I've been fighting back and forth between having a natural birth and the epidural option.  I've heard pros and cons of both...but really a lot more pros on the epidural end of things.  Adam and I are signed up for a Lamaze class next month (March), so maybe that will seal the deal one way or the other.  Our next door neighbor had a baby in December.  Her husband told me that she was going to go natural until she heard the lady next door who had made that decision.  The agony she seemed to be in convinced Shelvy otherwise.  I think I might just embrace my inner wuss and go for the drugs.

In other news, Adam and I have decided to follow in our friends Paul and Bethany's footsteps and try out "Elimination Communication" (or EC) with our son.  It's kind of a hard concept to explain...especially since most people are skeptical at first (I admit that I was, but I'm pretty sold on it, now).  Here's a website with a very brief explanation.  WhatisEC.com  It has a link to diaperfreebaby.org, too, which has more information.  We actually bought the book "Diaper Free Baby."  After both of us reading it, we're looking forward to seeing how it plays out with our little one.  Paul and Bethany's sons were both pooping on the potty before they were a year old, so we have hope personally knowing people it's worked for.  We're both looking forward to the possibility of less dirty diapers to deal with (especially Adam.)

A couple of my friends are throwing baby showers for us in the coming weeks.  I'm really excited to get things ready for Baby K. and honored that so many people want to celebrate him and help out with that.  It's also exciting that my best friend Kim has finally publicly announced her pregnancy.  It's been fun getting to relate to someone going through it at the same time (even though she's 18 weeks behind me).  Her being behind me though is also fun in the sense that I can now relate in the "been there" mindset instead of me just being naive and asking tons of questions :).  Regardless, I'm really excited for her.  I can't wait to find out if our son is going to acquire a default best friend or wife ;).

Since the last time I wrote, we had some friends come and help us get our nursery painted.  I can't wait to see it all pull together when we get the bedding and such.  I really like how the paint job turned out (see my photos on Facebook).  I'm really blessed to have such good people surrounding me here that would take time out of their lives to paint...something I doubt any of them were that terribly excited about :).  Thanks Alex, Jamie, Becky, and Michelle!  

Well, I think that's enough to tide you over for now.  I've been fighting a lot of emotions (I'm blaming them on the hormones)...some of which I've shared with some people...and some of which nobody and/or just Adam know about.  Right now, I'm feeling pretty excited to meet our son and fighting with patience and knowing that he needs a couple more months before he should come out.  It'll be interesting to see how much bigger and more uncomfortable I get.  

Anyway, as usual, thanks for all your support and encouragement.  It's easy to feel isolated when we live so far away from family, but I'm so grateful for the CA family we've acquired along the way, and all the love and support from friends and family both near and far.  I'm excited to share this adventure with all of you.

By now, several of you have taken the challenge and stumbled upon our subtle announcement here.  Now at 21 weeks, we have our life changing information that makes things all the more real.

Monday, Adam and I went to the doctor for a routine checkup, but hoped that it would end up being more (i.e. my 20 week ultrasound that I had argued with the lady on the phone about and ended up crying and hanging up with frustration).  Adam took the morning off anyway, though, because both of us knew it could be stressful, so he came as moral support.  The first thing that happened was me getting called up to the reception desk for them to try and tell me my appointment wasn't that day.  Good thing I brought my appointment card with me that THEY wrote out to prove them wrong.  They were like, "Well, I guess we have to fit her in."  You'd better believe you do!!!  So of course, if it wasn't already, my blood pressure started soaring!  

Then they took by blood pressure and it was 140 something over 90 something.  After she exclaimed, "WOAH!" I started to cry.  She asked if I needed a minute before she took it again.  I was pretty sure that wouldn't help, so we just did it again.  It went down...but only to 135 something.  At that point, I was grateful that I had taken my BP at home and brought a picture with me to prove that it was the office that stressed me out and not some condition.  After waiting a while longer for a room to open up, they had a new nurse training come in and try to find the heartbeat.  To be perfectly honest, I wanted them to not be able to because I knew that the baby was okay.  I had felt it moving around not too long before that, and I wanted an ultrasound.  One of the more experienced nurses, though, came in and found it pretty quickly.

Then Dr. Warren came in.  She looked at my chart, measured me, etc.  Then she said that everything looked good...except my blood pressure.  That's when I went on my verge of tears rant about how frustrating her staff was, how rude the lady on the phone had been, and all the confrontations I'd had there that made me dread my appointments at their office.  She was very empathetic, apologetic, and told me we'd get my ultrasound scheduled this week.  It actually ended up being the next day.  That afternoon, I kind of freaked out at the idea that I'd know what the baby was the next day and second guessed our decision we had made a long time ago to find out.  Pretty sure my mom wasn't too thrilled with that :-p.

So we went in on Tuesday for the ultrasound.  It was VERY anti-climatic.  First, Adam and I had to sit in a waiting room with just one other lady who was watching an informational DVD about her upcoming hysterectomy.  Awkward.  Then we were called in for our very short and not too compassionate ultrasound.  We were asked what we're having.  I told the lady I didn't know...I was hoping she'd tell us.  Then, moments later, she just said, "It's a boy."  And then tried to get a good picture.  No more than 10 minutes passed before she sent us on our way....without good pictures, and without the DVD we had been promised by the movie I once had to sit in that empty waiting room and watch.  She told us we had a very UNcooperative son...which Adam says I make too much out of because she was just joking...but I was kind of annoyed by.  Oh well...chalk it up to pregnancy hormones?

So then I decided it would be more fun to tell people one by one as it came up about the gender.  Well, that got old faster than I thought it would.  It was nice to tell certain people before the general population knew, though.  The excited ones made it seem more fun and helped me get more excited myself.  However, being that I thought it was a girl (and so did Adam), there was also a good sect of people prepared to rejoice over the "It's a girl" statement, and though they tried to have the same amount of excitement about a boy, telling people individually wasn't as fun, anymore.  (If this applies to you, this is not meant as a guilt trip...just sharing my feelings.  The boy thing will grow on you when you see how amazing the combination of Adam and my charm and good looks turns out :)).  

So that's where we're at now...I'm super bummed that the ultrasound wasn't longer, more fun, or more compassionate like other people's experiences seem to have been.  I wanted a DVD pretty badly, though our "uncooperative son" didn't make for much of a good session, so maybe it's for the best.  I didn't really mind either way on the gender, though I'm a people pleaser by nature, so I wish everyone was through the roof excited, but they'll get there.  I'm glad it's a little more real, though...and that we can call him a he.  Adam and I do have a name, to answer that question, but we're not sharing it with anyone (Seriously...not even my mom.  You can ask her, if you don't believe me...I'm sure it's driving her nuts :)).  You'll just have to wait until April.  Other than that, we can now start registering.  We probably won't need (and thus won't register) for many clothes since we have at least a couple friends anxiously awaiting handing down their boy clothes.  If you feel compelled to buy them, I won't stop you, but we're only going to register for things we know we will need.  

So...other than that, I'm grateful for those of you that read this.  I'm grateful for everyone, actually, but it's nice to know this journal isn't in vain.  I'm hoping to keep it updated more often (especially with our son on the way) so that people keep up on it without me asking them to.  Regardless, it has been nice to record and share my feelings and to have you along for the ride.  Thanks for everything.

20 weeks today!  We've made it to the halfway point and are well on our way to April.  This all still seems a little surreal to me.  There have been days that I'm sure that I've felt the baby, but it just felt like someone gently flicking me from the inside.  I appreciate those days.  They give me a sense of comfort that this is all real and that the baby is okay.  Then there's been days when I suspect that I may have felt something, but I'm not sure if it was the baby or indigestion.  Those days happen more often than the others.  In fact, I've been on a streak of those for a few days now.  Those are the days that I have to remember to lean on my faith and trust that God is taking care of things.  I'm looking forward, though, to more constantly feeling the baby move around, and knowing more definitely that that's what it is.  I think this whole thing will really start setting in, then.

Those of you on Facebook know that I had a bit of a rant about my doctors' office and the staff that works there.  My next appointment is scheduled for Monday morning.  Adam is coming with me, mostly because I'm so frustrated and stressed out with them, but partially because we are both hoping that, by some stroke of luck, they might decide to do an ultrasound, after all.  At the very least, I'd like to have the famed "20-week ultrasound" sometime before we see family for Christmas (at which point I'll already by 23 weeks.).  It's hard enough with all these pregnancy hormones to keep my cool when people ask what I'm having or when I'll find out, but I know that the family will all want to know when they see us, too.

Other than that, I'm still met with mixed emotions.  Some days, I'm very excited to meet our little offspring.  If you know me, you know that I love kids and have always done something that was related to children in some respect.  I don't doubt that I'll do fine.  However, there are other days when I have the house to myself, no where to go, and the only noises to worry about are the crazy winds and wondering if our patio furniture (of which we only actually have a table and swing, both acquired from friends that just couldn't fit them in the truck when they moved) are going to make it.  Those are the days that I get nervous that I'll never have this again.  I like cuddling with my husband on the couch (partially because we're really cheap and our house is FREEZING at night :)).  I like being able to go places on a moment's notice and not having to worry about getting home at a specific time.  I know they say that you're pregnant for nine months to get used to the idea.  I'm not sure that nine months is going to cut it :-p.  

Don't get me wrong.  Adam and I both wanted this baby.  It wasn't a surprise, really.  At the time, it seemed like it was taking forever for this pregnancy to happen, but now that there's no turning back, I just get a little anxious.  Adam's doing great.  He keeps telling me how fun it's going to be to have a little baby to play with and hold.  I don't know if he's nervous and just being strong for me or if he's really as cool and calm as he's letting on.  Regardless, it's nice to have his reassurance.  

Anyway, size wise, I'm really starting to grow, now.  I actually look pregnant, which is kind of fun since now anybody would know that and I don't have to question whether or not people think I'm just gaining weight, anymore :-p.  The lady at Gap asked me if this was my first without confirming that I was, in fact, pregnant (though I was carrying my TheBump.com gift bag from The Price Is Right and buying baby clothes).  The UPS guy probably put two and two together after delivering a crib to our house and seeing me yesterday, too.  However, I do admit that it is a little more fun (and real) when I'm showing more.  I'm bracing myself for unsolicited belly rubbing.  I don't mind when people I know do it, but it'll probably creep me out if strangers go in for a feel.  

So that's that, I guess.   Those are my baby related thoughts and emotions in a nutshell.  I haven't had any of the dreaded symptoms most people warn about (nausea, stretch marks, etc.).  I went through the first trimester SUPER tired, but that's gone (for now) and I'm on to getting hungrier more often.  That, however, is a symptom I don't at all mind :).  Other than that, it's been pretty smooth sailing.  Thanks again for all your prayers, support, excitement, and encouragement.  It has really been a huge help and an even bigger blessing!

So, we're 16 weeks and two days into this pregnancy thing.  You'd think that, by now, I'd be used to the whole idea and excitement would be overtaking fear and anxiety.  I guess that was the case for about a week after seeing the baby on the ultrasound, but then the paranoia kicked back in.  A Facebook friend recently lost her baby, and though there was slight paranoia before that, I couldn't help but project that onto myself, as well.  Even with the reassurance of my husband and friends that things are "probably fine," probably just doesn't seem like enough for me.  However, I have an appointment on Tuesday, and while I've braced myself for whatever news I get...hearing the heartbeat would be the relief I need (at least for a while).  

People keep asking me how I'm feeling.  The truth is, just nervous.  I have been far less tired than in the first trimester.  I have never had any problem with appetite or nausea, though I am hungrier more often, now.  (I don't mind this, though...I love eating :)).  I haven't felt the baby kick...but can't wait to have that added reassurance that things are okay.  I am showing, and I feel huge, but I've been told that I'm not that big.  Some people said that I don't even really look pregnant...which you'd think I'd like to hear, but I'm definitely not my not pregnant size...so I wish I looked pregnant enough to "look pregnant."  None of my regular clothes fit, and my belly is hard, so at least I can reassure myself that I am, in fact, pregnant and not just gaining weight in vain.  I know...I sound irrational, but let's blame that on the hormones (I've done a lot of blaming of them, lately.)

The other question we keep getting is whether or not we'll find out if it's a boy or girl.  Though we've heard numerous opinions in favor of finding out or waiting, none of them have been compelling enough to sway us away from our ultimate decision to find out.  We both agree that we think it will help us mentally prepare for what lies ahead to know.  It'll also be nice to call the baby "she" or "he" and not "it."  In addition, while we plan to buy/register/etc. for mostly gender neutral things, there's only so much yellow, green, and white that one baby can have in it's wardrobe...and if they're anything like me (and won't have hair until they turn three years old), we'll need some pink or blue in the mix to ward off controversy.  While we won't call the baby by its name until it's born (and no...we won't tell you the names we have in mind), it would still be more beneficial, in our minds, to know.  The surprise factor isn't enough for us to wait it out.  We're both planners, in our own respects, so that side of us will win, this time.  As for when we'll find out...probably at next month's appointment in December, but we'll let you know when we know and are ready :).

Other than all that, there's days I look at the house with utter lack of motivation and wonder how I'll get anything done or keep things at all in order when I can't even manage to do that some days without any kids involved.  I'm sure that whole maternal instinct thing will kick in and it won't be any problem, right ;)? 

Anyway...as we move closer to the due date (April 20th officially...at least for now), I am getting a little more excited.  I'm sure that, once I have more reassurance that things are going alright and that the baby is healthy and okay, there will be less anxiousness and more room for excitement to build.  Adam's doing well with all of it.  He has his usual, "We can't change it, and I think it'll be fun," positive attitude...which is good, 'cause we all know that I do enough worrying for both of us. 

So to wrap up, pray for us.  Pray for the well-being of the baby and that things continue to be okay.  Pray that my doctor's appointment is, as they said, "just a routine checkup" and that I have some sense of peace and reassurance when I leave.  Pray that we can do everything in our power to prepare for the baby, girl or boy, and that we are relaxed and the best parents we can be...both now and after they arrive.  

Thanks for going on this journey with us.  I know it's hard for some of you.  I was at that point, too...watching everyone else go through something that I wanted so badly to experience.  I appreciate your love and support, though.  I also appreciate those that are over the moon excited for us.  Your excitement often rubs off on me and helps me through the anxiousness. Keep it coming :).  Like I've said in the past, our baby is very lucky to be able to inherit all of you and I can't wait for all of us to meet him/her/them/it :).  Peace out.