Sunday, November 6, 2011

So, we're 16 weeks and two days into this pregnancy thing.  You'd think that, by now, I'd be used to the whole idea and excitement would be overtaking fear and anxiety.  I guess that was the case for about a week after seeing the baby on the ultrasound, but then the paranoia kicked back in.  A Facebook friend recently lost her baby, and though there was slight paranoia before that, I couldn't help but project that onto myself, as well.  Even with the reassurance of my husband and friends that things are "probably fine," probably just doesn't seem like enough for me.  However, I have an appointment on Tuesday, and while I've braced myself for whatever news I get...hearing the heartbeat would be the relief I need (at least for a while).  

People keep asking me how I'm feeling.  The truth is, just nervous.  I have been far less tired than in the first trimester.  I have never had any problem with appetite or nausea, though I am hungrier more often, now.  (I don't mind this, though...I love eating :)).  I haven't felt the baby kick...but can't wait to have that added reassurance that things are okay.  I am showing, and I feel huge, but I've been told that I'm not that big.  Some people said that I don't even really look pregnant...which you'd think I'd like to hear, but I'm definitely not my not pregnant I wish I looked pregnant enough to "look pregnant."  None of my regular clothes fit, and my belly is hard, so at least I can reassure myself that I am, in fact, pregnant and not just gaining weight in vain.  I know...I sound irrational, but let's blame that on the hormones (I've done a lot of blaming of them, lately.)

The other question we keep getting is whether or not we'll find out if it's a boy or girl.  Though we've heard numerous opinions in favor of finding out or waiting, none of them have been compelling enough to sway us away from our ultimate decision to find out.  We both agree that we think it will help us mentally prepare for what lies ahead to know.  It'll also be nice to call the baby "she" or "he" and not "it."  In addition, while we plan to buy/register/etc. for mostly gender neutral things, there's only so much yellow, green, and white that one baby can have in it's wardrobe...and if they're anything like me (and won't have hair until they turn three years old), we'll need some pink or blue in the mix to ward off controversy.  While we won't call the baby by its name until it's born (and no...we won't tell you the names we have in mind), it would still be more beneficial, in our minds, to know.  The surprise factor isn't enough for us to wait it out.  We're both planners, in our own respects, so that side of us will win, this time.  As for when we'll find out...probably at next month's appointment in December, but we'll let you know when we know and are ready :).

Other than all that, there's days I look at the house with utter lack of motivation and wonder how I'll get anything done or keep things at all in order when I can't even manage to do that some days without any kids involved.  I'm sure that whole maternal instinct thing will kick in and it won't be any problem, right ;)? we move closer to the due date (April 20th least for now), I am getting a little more excited.  I'm sure that, once I have more reassurance that things are going alright and that the baby is healthy and okay, there will be less anxiousness and more room for excitement to build.  Adam's doing well with all of it.  He has his usual, "We can't change it, and I think it'll be fun," positive attitude...which is good, 'cause we all know that I do enough worrying for both of us. 

So to wrap up, pray for us.  Pray for the well-being of the baby and that things continue to be okay.  Pray that my doctor's appointment is, as they said, "just a routine checkup" and that I have some sense of peace and reassurance when I leave.  Pray that we can do everything in our power to prepare for the baby, girl or boy, and that we are relaxed and the best parents we can be...both now and after they arrive.  

Thanks for going on this journey with us.  I know it's hard for some of you.  I was at that point, too...watching everyone else go through something that I wanted so badly to experience.  I appreciate your love and support, though.  I also appreciate those that are over the moon excited for us.  Your excitement often rubs off on me and helps me through the anxiousness. Keep it coming :).  Like I've said in the past, our baby is very lucky to be able to inherit all of you and I can't wait for all of us to meet him/her/them/it :).  Peace out.