By now, several of you have taken the challenge and stumbled upon our subtle announcement here.  Now at 21 weeks, we have our life changing information that makes things all the more real.

Monday, Adam and I went to the doctor for a routine checkup, but hoped that it would end up being more (i.e. my 20 week ultrasound that I had argued with the lady on the phone about and ended up crying and hanging up with frustration).  Adam took the morning off anyway, though, because both of us knew it could be stressful, so he came as moral support.  The first thing that happened was me getting called up to the reception desk for them to try and tell me my appointment wasn't that day.  Good thing I brought my appointment card with me that THEY wrote out to prove them wrong.  They were like, "Well, I guess we have to fit her in."  You'd better believe you do!!!  So of course, if it wasn't already, my blood pressure started soaring!  

Then they took by blood pressure and it was 140 something over 90 something.  After she exclaimed, "WOAH!" I started to cry.  She asked if I needed a minute before she took it again.  I was pretty sure that wouldn't help, so we just did it again.  It went down...but only to 135 something.  At that point, I was grateful that I had taken my BP at home and brought a picture with me to prove that it was the office that stressed me out and not some condition.  After waiting a while longer for a room to open up, they had a new nurse training come in and try to find the heartbeat.  To be perfectly honest, I wanted them to not be able to because I knew that the baby was okay.  I had felt it moving around not too long before that, and I wanted an ultrasound.  One of the more experienced nurses, though, came in and found it pretty quickly.

Then Dr. Warren came in.  She looked at my chart, measured me, etc.  Then she said that everything looked good...except my blood pressure.  That's when I went on my verge of tears rant about how frustrating her staff was, how rude the lady on the phone had been, and all the confrontations I'd had there that made me dread my appointments at their office.  She was very empathetic, apologetic, and told me we'd get my ultrasound scheduled this week.  It actually ended up being the next day.  That afternoon, I kind of freaked out at the idea that I'd know what the baby was the next day and second guessed our decision we had made a long time ago to find out.  Pretty sure my mom wasn't too thrilled with that :-p.

So we went in on Tuesday for the ultrasound.  It was VERY anti-climatic.  First, Adam and I had to sit in a waiting room with just one other lady who was watching an informational DVD about her upcoming hysterectomy.  Awkward.  Then we were called in for our very short and not too compassionate ultrasound.  We were asked what we're having.  I told the lady I didn't know...I was hoping she'd tell us.  Then, moments later, she just said, "It's a boy."  And then tried to get a good picture.  No more than 10 minutes passed before she sent us on our way....without good pictures, and without the DVD we had been promised by the movie I once had to sit in that empty waiting room and watch.  She told us we had a very UNcooperative son...which Adam says I make too much out of because she was just joking...but I was kind of annoyed by.  Oh well...chalk it up to pregnancy hormones?

So then I decided it would be more fun to tell people one by one as it came up about the gender.  Well, that got old faster than I thought it would.  It was nice to tell certain people before the general population knew, though.  The excited ones made it seem more fun and helped me get more excited myself.  However, being that I thought it was a girl (and so did Adam), there was also a good sect of people prepared to rejoice over the "It's a girl" statement, and though they tried to have the same amount of excitement about a boy, telling people individually wasn't as fun, anymore.  (If this applies to you, this is not meant as a guilt trip...just sharing my feelings.  The boy thing will grow on you when you see how amazing the combination of Adam and my charm and good looks turns out :)).  

So that's where we're at now...I'm super bummed that the ultrasound wasn't longer, more fun, or more compassionate like other people's experiences seem to have been.  I wanted a DVD pretty badly, though our "uncooperative son" didn't make for much of a good session, so maybe it's for the best.  I didn't really mind either way on the gender, though I'm a people pleaser by nature, so I wish everyone was through the roof excited, but they'll get there.  I'm glad it's a little more real, though...and that we can call him a he.  Adam and I do have a name, to answer that question, but we're not sharing it with anyone (Seriously...not even my mom.  You can ask her, if you don't believe me...I'm sure it's driving her nuts :)).  You'll just have to wait until April.  Other than that, we can now start registering.  We probably won't need (and thus won't register) for many clothes since we have at least a couple friends anxiously awaiting handing down their boy clothes.  If you feel compelled to buy them, I won't stop you, but we're only going to register for things we know we will need.  

So...other than that, I'm grateful for those of you that read this.  I'm grateful for everyone, actually, but it's nice to know this journal isn't in vain.  I'm hoping to keep it updated more often (especially with our son on the way) so that people keep up on it without me asking them to.  Regardless, it has been nice to record and share my feelings and to have you along for the ride.  Thanks for everything.

20 weeks today!  We've made it to the halfway point and are well on our way to April.  This all still seems a little surreal to me.  There have been days that I'm sure that I've felt the baby, but it just felt like someone gently flicking me from the inside.  I appreciate those days.  They give me a sense of comfort that this is all real and that the baby is okay.  Then there's been days when I suspect that I may have felt something, but I'm not sure if it was the baby or indigestion.  Those days happen more often than the others.  In fact, I've been on a streak of those for a few days now.  Those are the days that I have to remember to lean on my faith and trust that God is taking care of things.  I'm looking forward, though, to more constantly feeling the baby move around, and knowing more definitely that that's what it is.  I think this whole thing will really start setting in, then.

Those of you on Facebook know that I had a bit of a rant about my doctors' office and the staff that works there.  My next appointment is scheduled for Monday morning.  Adam is coming with me, mostly because I'm so frustrated and stressed out with them, but partially because we are both hoping that, by some stroke of luck, they might decide to do an ultrasound, after all.  At the very least, I'd like to have the famed "20-week ultrasound" sometime before we see family for Christmas (at which point I'll already by 23 weeks.).  It's hard enough with all these pregnancy hormones to keep my cool when people ask what I'm having or when I'll find out, but I know that the family will all want to know when they see us, too.

Other than that, I'm still met with mixed emotions.  Some days, I'm very excited to meet our little offspring.  If you know me, you know that I love kids and have always done something that was related to children in some respect.  I don't doubt that I'll do fine.  However, there are other days when I have the house to myself, no where to go, and the only noises to worry about are the crazy winds and wondering if our patio furniture (of which we only actually have a table and swing, both acquired from friends that just couldn't fit them in the truck when they moved) are going to make it.  Those are the days that I get nervous that I'll never have this again.  I like cuddling with my husband on the couch (partially because we're really cheap and our house is FREEZING at night :)).  I like being able to go places on a moment's notice and not having to worry about getting home at a specific time.  I know they say that you're pregnant for nine months to get used to the idea.  I'm not sure that nine months is going to cut it :-p.  

Don't get me wrong.  Adam and I both wanted this baby.  It wasn't a surprise, really.  At the time, it seemed like it was taking forever for this pregnancy to happen, but now that there's no turning back, I just get a little anxious.  Adam's doing great.  He keeps telling me how fun it's going to be to have a little baby to play with and hold.  I don't know if he's nervous and just being strong for me or if he's really as cool and calm as he's letting on.  Regardless, it's nice to have his reassurance.  

Anyway, size wise, I'm really starting to grow, now.  I actually look pregnant, which is kind of fun since now anybody would know that and I don't have to question whether or not people think I'm just gaining weight, anymore :-p.  The lady at Gap asked me if this was my first without confirming that I was, in fact, pregnant (though I was carrying my TheBump.com gift bag from The Price Is Right and buying baby clothes).  The UPS guy probably put two and two together after delivering a crib to our house and seeing me yesterday, too.  However, I do admit that it is a little more fun (and real) when I'm showing more.  I'm bracing myself for unsolicited belly rubbing.  I don't mind when people I know do it, but it'll probably creep me out if strangers go in for a feel.  

So that's that, I guess.   Those are my baby related thoughts and emotions in a nutshell.  I haven't had any of the dreaded symptoms most people warn about (nausea, stretch marks, etc.).  I went through the first trimester SUPER tired, but that's gone (for now) and I'm on to getting hungrier more often.  That, however, is a symptom I don't at all mind :).  Other than that, it's been pretty smooth sailing.  Thanks again for all your prayers, support, excitement, and encouragement.  It has really been a huge help and an even bigger blessing!