Well, here we are...November 13th.  I'm no longer only a quarter of a century old.  An abnormally large amount of things have happened in year 25, and I'm still unsure of where all of it is taking me.  It's been a good day, so far.  In the past, a birthday by myself without many plans or family and only a handful of friends around would be somewhat depressing to me.  However, the peacefulness and quiet of today has been a gift in itself.  As you know, the last week has been rather hectic for both of us.  Our good friend Heidi had a hysterectomy on Monday.  Her husband is deployed in Iraq, making Adam and I instant parents of a couple very active two and four year olds for the better part of this week.  I knew from the get go that this experience would be challenging, and it wasn't actually as hard as I thought it could be, but it was definitely an exhausting adventure. 


I do not enjoy Mario Brothers.  Pardon the randomness, but I'm not sorry for any disgust you may have for this confession.  I played it once, this week, because I was asked to...but I did not enjoy it, nor did I engage in it again.  My reasoning is this...I do not like to engage in activities that I am not good at.  It's draining to me in a whole different sense of the word and leaves me frustrated and feeling bad about myself.  There are video games that I can succeed at, even if they are somewhat challenging to me, but once they become frustrating to me, I do my best to set them aside and be done with them until I'm ready to go at them with a sense of fun and not defeat.  I tend to be a person who puts my whole self into what I'm doing...which is part of why I don't like to do things I'm not good at.  If I put my whole self into something that frustrates me, I leave not only drained, but defeated and feeling like I have lost more than I have gained.  


I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, except to say that I think I learned a lot, this week.  While our time with the boys was frustrating at points...I think it's fair to say that we're both good at it.  Unlike playing Mario brothers, even when I felt drained and defeated, I felt like I just needed to step aside for a bit...even if all that I could afford was a few minutes while they were momentarily distracted by a video or their imagination.  Most of the time, I had given so much of myself that, once Adam got home, I needed to not be a parent, anymore, and just absorb myself in my own little world for a while.  


Our week was anything but boring.  I woke the boys up "early" on Monday to get Colton ready for school.  After explaining to Jack that his mom was at the hospital and had not run away, breakfast was made...books were read...clothes were changed...and we successfully got Colton off to school.  Even though Jack is only 2, he is far more easily entertained than his brother.  He spent a better part of the time his brother was at school watching Kidsongs and "helping" me clean up the house...though it took us a considerable amount of that time to walk back to their house and return to school (Jack's sense of urgency leaves him on foot).  We spent the afternoon and the rest of the evening adjusting to our new lives together, playing with Lacy, having dinner, and ultimately getting all of ourselves to bed.  


Tuesday, Jack felt a little more comfortable in his two-year-old skin and pulled out the "Why?" card.  After spending part of the morning back at their house with their dog, we decided to head back to our dog and take a LONG walk.  As educational as it can prove to be, answering "Why?" questions for hours can wear on a grown person...but somehow, sunshine and exercise not only diminishes the quantity of questions, but the sanity of the answerer.  However, I had somehow forgotten about the lack of speed the pedestrian Jack possessed, so I was as ready to be done with our walk, in the end, as I was to begin it.  After a nap, a game of chess with Colton, and some quiet time for both of us while Jack slept, Adam and I embraced parenthood and took the kids to Tom's where kids eat free on Tuesdays.  Pretty worn out from the day after all that, we headed home again and crashed for the night.


Wednesday; our last day of our temporary parenthood.  With our "Welcome Home Mommy" banner already proudly displayed and Colton off to school, Adam, Jack, and I hung out with Molly until it was time to pick Colton up.  Having Adam by my sidea made the day SO much easier and made me all the more grateful to have him as a partner.  The day dragged quite a bit, though, with the knowledge that Heidi was coming home, and all of us pretty ready to have some sort of normalcy restored to our lives.  The hours got harder to bear as the day wore on and there was no sign of when Heidi would be coming home.  As we waited for the telling phone call, everyone became increasingly worried that she wouldn't make it back within the day.  Sometime around 6:00, we finally got the call that Heidi was ready to come home and a sense of relief filled the anxiety the boys had when they overheard me tell someone I wasn't sure they'd let Heidi come home tonight.  After over an hour of waiting for Heidi's medicine and Adam's adventure changing diapers and giving two little boys a shower, we were all finally reuinted....and horribly exhausted.


I stayed the night at Heidi's and through all of yesterday to make sure that Heidi didn't need my help to get the essentials done, but also didn't overdo things too much.  We didn't anticipate how mentally exhausting and hard this experience would be on the boys, but yesterday was more trying, I thought, than any of the other three days without Heidi home.  Thankfully, she was on major pain killers that kept her pretty mellow through the intense emotional outbreaks and massive hunger the boys had for her attention.  I'm not sure I was much help, myself, as I found it hard to pry myself from the comfort of the couch for the majority of the day other than to drive us all to story time at the library.  I didn't want to desert Heidi, though, if she needed me...and even when she admitted that she'd probably be fine on her own, I didn't have the heart or energy to make myself go home.  By the end of the day, though...I was more than ready and grateful to know that today would be more peaceful and eventful than the last four...and my bed felt more comfortable than it ever had in the past.  


None of this is to say that I, in any way, regret the past week.  Heidi has been one of the biggest blessings to me since we've been in California, and I would do anything for her that she needed me to.  I've struggled a lot with purpose since arriving here and have accepted that providing for Heidi and her boys is a big part of my purpose here.  I know she would do the same for me if I was in her position, and we were glad to do what we could to help.  I don't think I would feel right if we hadn't done all that we did.  That being said, I think the biggest gift they have given me TODAY is understanding that I do love them all a lot...and I definitely would do anything and drop everything to help them...but as selfish as it sounds, I needed today for myself.  


I haven't done much of anything productive, today.  In fact, when I went to the store to pick up last minute supplies for my birthday cake...I went in my pajamas...'cause it's my birthday and I could.  Up until this entry, I spent the rest of the day laying on the couch watching TV shows I missed this week, smiling at post-its Adam left for me and eating the lunch he made, and being grateful for all the birthday wishes that have been thrown my way.  Like I said, in the past, such an uneventful day alone would've been more of a downer for me...but today, I appreciate every moment for what it is and am grateful for all I have.  Tonight, I'll have dinner with Adam, Heidi, and the boys, open presents, and be grateful to have people that love me around...but for now...I'm grateful to know I'm loved enough to have the day to myself without feeling like I have to do anything.


It's been a good week.  I'm glad Heidi is home and that she's recovering well.  I'm glad that things will go back to normal.  And I'm glad for this experience to make us all appreciate more, especially on the days when normal can seem less than ideal, all that normal is.  If nothing else, this week has taught me that, whether we realize it or not...everything happens to teach us something.  In this case, that would be to embrace what I have, respect what I don't, and know that everything happens in time for a reason...and we should embrace each moment of that in the meantime.